Everything I Feel Wrong about ‘Conversations with Friends’

A brutally honest analysis behind Sally Rooney’s masterpiece

What if I told you the adopted novel-best-selling Serial Drama portrays the glorification of uncommitted marriage and polyamory? Are you intrigued? Yes, I was as well.

I was thrilled when I found out that one of my top reading picks, Sally Rooney's Conversations with Friends, was being adapted by Hulu into a series. I generally prefer watching movies or series based on novels rather than reading the novels themselves. In my opinion, the purpose of reading a novel is to visualize the story as a whole, and watching the adapted film or series always gives me a better sense of the story than reading the it alone — so it is always my go-to option.

I understand that some people may disagree with me because they read Sally Rooney's novels and feel that my arguments are invalid because I am not comparing the two mediums. I agree with that sentiment to an extent. However, I am writing this review from the perspective of someone who gets their raw emotion from watching the visualisation of this novel. So let’s begin.

Giving context: Why I watched it at the very first place

I was initially excited when I heard that Normal People was being talked about so highly by people all over the world — it seemed like it could be one of the best series ever. However, I hadn't gotten around to watching it yet because it has so many seasons and episodes; it would take some time to dedicate my free time to Normal People. So instead, I decided to watch Conversations with Friends (with only 1 season and less than 30 minutes in each episode) in order to get a sense of the tension that Normal People is known for. So here I was, spending my entire weekend watching this series, hoping my time was worth to kill.

Brief Introdcution: what it is about (spoiler alert)

Where do I start? Um... I think the best way to describe this series is that it glorified cheating, selfish behaviour and morally bankrupt narcissism. At first, one might think that Conversations with Friends is about a loving couple, but in reality, this story showcases the drama and difficulties of a pair who are stuck in an unhappy marriage of Melissa and Nick. After years of frustration and misery, they choose to search for love elsewhere.

Frances and Bobbi are two key figures in the failing marriage, who have feelings for their respective partners. Through the course of the novel, they experience a rollercoaster of events including ill-fated romances and reconciliations.

I had trouble sitting through the movie Conversations with Friends. There was something odd about it: I couldn't like it, no matter how hard I tried. This post explores why I didn't like the movie and recommend readers read the novel instead.

1. ‘Conversations’ that don't quite fit into the series

I wasn't sure what to expect before watching this 12-episode series. The title was vague. But when I read the title “Conversations with Friends”, I imagine having such “Before Trilogy” vibes, where couples of friends have significant deep talks about life. It turned out there were not many conversations being made. Even though there are some long conversations in some scenes, it is mostly just like cringe uni scenes full of velvet-clad pretentious students spouting nonsense and trying to look cool by having 'profound' debates about stories of uncommitted people not knowing who they were and just generally wrapped up in themselves, faffing around in the art world.

The majority of the time, the conversations are uninteresting, tedious and worthless. The protagonist is usually mumbling and awkward, and they are terrible conversationalists. The conversation does not progress well and is mainly repetitive, like “It’s nice to see you again. I mean it.” in every meeting situation. There is nothing romantic about it, even though they try to make it look like that by adding many sex scenes. It doesn’t help the situation at all. It’s even giving the audience a perspective that they are just bored by their actual relationships and just looking for some physical release. I hesitate to say this, but it's making me 50 Shades of Grey vibes or any other hot romantic film that depicts such physical intimacy. And speaking of intimacy, they don't even have emotional bonding. It's really like watching random, boring people cheat in their daily lives. Eventually, I just found myself not caring about the outcome.

I found the show lack of substance. The cast provides dull, depressing performances, maybe because they have nothing to work with as the writing is so bad, but I also blame the actors, who have zero chemistry with each other or charisma. And to make things worse, there’s no real deep connection between them, just purely physical.

I think it's essential for the series to not only visualise the novels into screenwriting, but to be about entertainment and should at least give a little touch of empathy. It will also show how different hulu is from other streaming platforms. And I think this is where hulu failed to represent Sally’s bestselling novel in well-interpreted shows due to a lack of actors' performances and emotions. It is giving us 0 approach.

2. The "added values" in stories are often meaningless, lame, and dull

The show’s premise revolves around two couples — Melissa with Nick and Frances with  Bobby. The two couples are in the same social circle, and we get to see them interact with each other at several parties that are hosted by both teams. It seems simple and happy enough, but throughout the series, we learn how their relationship(s) gradually fell apart, mainly due to infidelity issues, lack of communication and loyalty (my words!). This is a thought-provoking series that brings all the "in between, self-doubt, wants and fears" of life. This was when I started to wonder about the immorality of such shows.

This series version is so bad that it makes me want to throw up whenever I think about it. It was so dull that I had to force myself through the entire thing to write a review for it. I hate it when this series romanticizes cheating in stories because it gives the false impression that there are no consequences for such actions. In reality, cheating can lead to a number of disastrous consequences for marriages on a daily basis; nothing terrible seems to happen after their affairs are revealed or even when they are caught cheating! Another reason why this book is awful is that it gives out a negative message about relationships and marriage in general. The message conveyed here is that nothing should be respected in marriage anymore.

3. It promotes Open Marriage and pictures cheating as the norm

It gives abnormal romantic storylines about affairs and how it has impacted viewers to believe that nothing should be respected in marriage anymore. Both primary and supporting characters don’t seem bothered by the idea of an affair. It shows how Bobby and other friends of Frances react to her affair with Nick, the married guy. They ultimately don’t bother her casually in a relationship. One friend once triggered this relationship situation, but they broke it down by saying, “this is not about marriage”. They don’t feel shocked at all. One line that sounds so weird is, “It DOESN’T matter if you’re married or not; it’s about you not having the same feeling as I have for you.”

What bothers me the most about this movie is that it glamorises adultery and portrays it as normal and acceptable when it’s not. The main character in this movie was having an affair with her friend’s husband, but she didn’t care about what kind of impact this would have on her friend’s life because she just wanted to be happy. I think that people need to understand that marriage is sacred and should be respected by both partners no matter what happens between them because they made vows before God and their families.

One thing crossed my mind then: is cheating and having an affair part of a particular culture? I know that in Islam, polygamy is accepted, but it’s not always supported by Muslims themselves due to the morality behind it. So I wonder if polyamory is about a culture where everyone can be chill?

Well, I know some people believe in open marriage, but I don't believe in glorifying it. I think it's a choice that some people make, but it shouldn't be promoted as the norm. I think it takes away from the sanctity of marriage and devalues commitment. It also stigmatizes people who don't believe in open marriage and makes them feel like they are missing out on. I saw a painful slice of life that made me think twice about getting married again. The characters always discuss situations like mature adults (with all the inevitable pitfalls of romance involved). And this is precisely what makes the show all the more uncomfortable to watch for the married (or unmarried) set, especially those of us who are finding the meaning of commitment (like me). At the end, polygamy can be frustrating to understand, and I've seen lots of cases of affairs in real life. It seems like cheating is so hard to avoid. I understand that not everyone is compatible with marriage, but I don't know why they commit to marriage if they can't guarantee to be fully engaged.

To conclude

Conversations with Friends is not so a 'must-watch' for hopeless romantics and people in any kind of relationship. This tv series might open your eyes, and after watching this show, you will never think the same about relationships again. Talking about polyamory, a love story, and life also depict how much people can control their feelings or wants. You might end up hating or not liking any of the characters if they do things you don't like, but you have to watch it till the end because you will get to know why everyone is involved in such a life where they can't live without one another. I think this show will push viewers to a certain level of change in their attitude towards marriage and multiple partners. Of course, it's a personal choice, and I can't force anyone to change their lifestyle. But I believe that many people who watched this show will be able to participate in a more honest conversation about our values as a society.

See, what I find wrong with the narrative is that it glorifies people who ruin their own lives willingly in the name of love and accepting/being in love. I think this series might not be for me. But still, I continued to watch because I kept my hopes up and hoped they'll end the series well.